Do You Know It’s Christmas Now? - By Michael C. Bungay
FADE IN
INT. THE LOUNGE – MORNING
Establishing Shot of The Christmas tree standing in the corner of the lounge. There is a pile of presents beneath it. It is Christmas Day 1988.
CUT TO:
INT: HALLWAY - MORNING
Low-Angle Shot of the parents coming down the stairs into the hallway. They go into the lounge.
GRAN:
Good morning, Merry Christmas!
DAD:
(YAWNING) Oh no, not Christmas.
MUM:
Oh don’t be such a scrooge.
DAD:
I knew we shouldn’t have been to see Scrooged last week.
MUM:
Oh you’re so obssessed with that film.
DAD:
(Looking at the camera) I’m obssessed? After all I’ve Heard from her about Bill Murray in the past week?
Dad turns around and calls up the stairs to the two teenage kids.
DAD:
Wakey! Wakey! Guys! It’s Christmas!
SON/DAUGHTER:
(Off-screen, yawning) SO WHAT? BIG DEAL!
Mum comes back into the hallway.
GRAN:
You kids get down here or you can starve all day!
SON/DAUGHTER:
(Off-screen) So? We got secret stashes!
GRAN:
I know! I found them and stashed them away myself and if you want them back I suggest you come down here this minute!
Son and daughter groan off-screen. GRAN goes into the lounge
CUT TO:
INT: LOUNGE
Dad is looking amongst the presents.
DAD:
Ah, here’s one for me, I wonder who sent me that? (Opens it)
WOW! A Spandau Ballet CD! I LOVE THOSE GUYS!
GRAN:
Don’t I know it? Don’t think you’re gonna listen to Spandex Ballsup all day! (Hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it)
DAD:
I had no intention of doing that. (Looks to the camera and winks)
CUT TO:
INT: LOUNGE – MIDDAY
The whole family is in the lounge, arguing over what they would normally watch on the T.V Set, which is actually broken.
SON:
When would Top of the Pops usually come
on?
GRAN:
Top of the Flops? What nonsense! Last of the Summer Wine would have done me.
DAD:
We’re having wine with our Christmas dinner.
GRAN:
A great big bird as well!
DAD:
Oh no, not you, Sheila, you’ll us all indigestion!
GRAN:
I’ll give you a broken shin in a min!(Waves her walking stick at DAD)
DAUGHTER:
Gran what is so funny about a bunch of old men living in Yorskhire?
GRAN:
A lot more than you think Young lady!
GRAN:
Now would normally be time for the Queen’s speech!
CUT TO:
INT: DINING ROOM – EARLY/MID AFTERNOON
Establishing Shot of the family gathered around the table having their Christmas dinner.
DAD:
WOW! This turkey is excellent! (TO GRAN) Well done Sheila!
DAUGHTER:
The only turkey around here is that clapped out Datsun outside!
SON:
Really, I never knew cars went GOBBLE GOBBLE.
GRAN:
That was my car once!
SON:
Yeah, we can tell by its age!
DAUGHTER:
This is why I take the bus to school! I’ll be the laughing stock if my peers see me riding in that rust-bucket!
GRAN:
At least we are not so poor as to have to drive around in a Robin Reliant!
SON:
What’s so reliant about it?
DAD:
That reminds me, there’s an Only Fools and Horses Special on tonight.
GRAN:
Oh yes, something about a pair of 42 carat plonkers on the black market.
DAD:
I thought that was Bread you were talking about!
CUT TO:
INT: LOUNGE – EVENING
The family is once again gathered in the lounge. GRAN is falling asleep on an armchair.
DAUGHTER:
I wanna watch our new Die Hard tape!
SON:
Only cos you fancy Bruce Willis!
DAUGHTER:
OH SHUT UP!
DAD:
That’s enough you two! You’ll wake GRAN!
GRAN:
(Yawning) Too late!
DAD:
Have a good sleep?
GRAN:
I dreamed there was snow outside.
SON/DAUGHTER:
It never snows
GRAN:
It doesn’t matter as long as we have the whole family here celebrating Christmas together.
DAD:
Winding each other up, thinking of all the money we’ve spent…
SON:
Don’t we usually wind each other up anyway?
DAUGHTER:
(To SON) You certainly do!
GRAN:
(Shakes head) Let’s just say…
DAD/SON/DAUGHTER/GRAN:
Merry Christmas, 1988!
THE END